Iratus sum, ergo sum

I don't speak Latin.

But Google Translate is amazing.

I was thinking about that old phrase by Decartes. Cogito, ergo sum. "I think, therefore I am." Truly, if we are able to ponder our own existence, then we exist. No doubt about that. I wouldn't leave it there, though. If we are able to feel our own existence-- all the emotions that go along with being human-- then we are. We are alive. We are present.

So, iratus sum, ergo sum. I am angry, therefore I am.

That's not to say that I am necessarily angry right now, nor do I want to be. In fact, I know I have been angry too much lately, getting upset with others (perhaps, if only internally) when it's not worth my time, and frustrated with situations I can't control.

I need to let it go. I need more charity.

So I have been praying daily for more charity for others, even focusing on specific individuals-- individuals whom I love, but perhaps haven't been loving perfectly. Praying has helped. Fewer things have bothered me, and it has been glorious feeling less angry.

But anger is normal. It's a very human feeling, and sometimes it's even justified. Hey, even Jesus got angry!

The problem with that "justified anger" is that we may not know how to express it with respect, or we hold it in, letting it fester (could take days, could take years), till we can't hold it in anymore. Explosive anger is the worst, but long-time festering anger contributes to depression.

I tend to feel such justified anger when I feel I've been disrespected or judged harshly or falsely, or when I see it happening to others. If the culprit is a child or teen, I step in and correct, as long as I am the nearest authority figure. I don't yell, but I am firm and clear.

Adults are a different story. I do not feel, nor have I ever felt, comfortable calling out an adult when I am angry with them regarding their behavior. I hate contention, and avoid it like the plague.

Sometimes, I step back and look at the situation and realize that keeping my mouth shut and letting it go is for the best. Other times, my anger is kindled because the offense is recurring. I sit back and say nothing, hoping it won't happen again, but knowing deep down that it will. Really, I'm just setting myself up for abuse, albeit minor.

Personally, I am just tired of carrying such anger around with me.

Obviously, I am going to continue to pray for charity. Daily. Multiple times a day, even. It will help me " not sweat the small stuff," or even the BIG stuff! There are heaps of issues around me that I have no control over. Perhaps they happen on the other side of the country, or even the world. But I do have control over my little world, my life, my own actions.

But when I do feel I've been wronged, and when I step back to look at it and evaluate, I realize that, if it's important enough, I can't keep silent. Speaking up (with civility and respect, otherwise it will have the opposite effect) will get the weight off. It will liberate me.

And I've always been a big proponent of agency.

Since beginning my self-care journey, I have made quite a bit of progress in terms of saying no and loving myself.

This month it's time to honor my anger... when it has it's rightful place, of course.