Admittedly, I fell off the self-care wagon. Somehow, though, mid-fall, I managed to grab the reigns, being dragged alongside for the rest of the month. After school got out, I finally had the strength to crawl back into the driver's seat, bruised, bloodied, and beaten.
One month ago I knew I needed to begin a new challenge from The Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson, but I was so overwhelmed with concerts, rehearsals, and performances, I thought I'd give it a rest till January. I came to realize that self-care is the one thing I should have done! I needed to be kinder and more forgiving to myself, to cut myself some slack, to let some things go, to say NO. But for some odd reason, I believed that for just one month I needed to try to be super-mom.
And I paid the price.
I paid in my sanity, in peace, in joy-- in all those things that matter most. I dwelt on my failings, I cried in pure exhaustion, and then I ate too much sugar (because sweet friends kept bringing me cookies) and gained a few pounds. And I don't even like sugar very much!
Two days after Christmas, our family took a trip to the mountains in North Carolina. Five days with no internet, no cell phones, and very few distractions. The kids played outside, read books, and played games. We hiked together, tackling a couple pretty strenuous trails, proving to the kids (and myself) that we can do hard things.
And (get ready for this) I napped.
That Sunday afternoon, I sat in the cozy recliner next to the sliding glass door, overlooking the mountain behind us, listening to the roaring of the creek out back. I pulled up the hood of my sweatshirt and grabbed a soft blanket. I tried to read, but then dozed off. Allie said I was sleeping for a couple hours. It felt amazing. When I awoke I threw in a frozen lasagna for dinner and went outside to see the kids. Other than that, I had nothing pressing on me, nothing burdening me. Even my kids weren't asking me for anything.
It felt good to be back in the wagon.
I do like people, and love a whole lot of them. But part of my own self-care is having alone-time, time to shut down, time to unplug and be still. So this trip was exactly what I needed. Sometimes (okay, maybe more than sometimes) I think I wouldn't mind moving to the mountains for good. Sami suggested we become "mountain men", but I don't think I would go quite that far... I like indoor plumbing... and having my meat prepared for me. And I'm not really in to foraging. You know?
As all trips do, ours ended. And as usual, it ended too soon, but it was enough to get me moving. You might also be pleased to know that I haven't had a meltdown in a few weeks.
I'm am still learning my limits, and saying "no" does come more easily now, but it is a process. It takes time to make things habit, to make things comfortable.
For this month, I am choosing Cheryl's challenge to create a soul-loving space for myself-- one that lets me feel that send of peace and stillness that I felt on our trip. My family room needs an over-haul. I will need to examine how the room measures up to a soul-nourishing space, evaluate what needs to change and how to do it, eliminate anything I don't love or need (hello, Marie Kondo!), and enhance the room to reflect what soothes my soul!
I even may end up getting new couches! Ours are fifteen years old, so I think it's time...
(Our hike up Grandfather Mountain! We can do hard things!)
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