I'm not sure what normal is anymore.
I miss the days when I could walk through the grocery store unmasked. And for some reason, while (thankfully) the shelves of bread and milk, rice and flour, canned beans and veggies, and toilet paper are once again stocked after months of scarcity and panic, I still can't find bacon bits. However, no longer are the arrows on the floor directing you one way down an aisle, as you roll your eyes at (or perhaps even admire the nerve of) the maskless rebels coming from the opposite direction. Of course, the markers are still there at the check-out line to keep everyone six feet apart, as is the plexiglass between you and the cashier, adding another layer of auditory fun as you try to have a conversation around that and the double-layers of fabric covering your mouth.
I miss seeing faces. Smiles. But, hey, at least I don't have to worry about checking for food stuck in my teeth.
Of course, we have to carry around hand sanitizer with us wherever we go... even if I don't use it as much as I probably should.
Allie and Sami have been attending the high school for their classes, both part of the "brick-and-mortar" group of kids braving the risks (which for them are minimal) so they can participate in marching band, orchestra, and chorus in person. Drew and Eve, however, are home with me, glued to computers during the school day, doing the best they can to keep up with assignments and avoid the distractions of home. Admittedly, Eve is having an easier time with this.
Then I think of all we had anticipated this year... Allie going to Nashville with her orchestra class in April, Sami's dance recital in May, the girls' first FSY (For the Strength of Youth) week-long church conference at Stetson after visiting my parents in California in the summer, and even a family trip in December to New York to see The Music Man on Broadway. The Music Man! With Hugh Jackman and Sutton Foster! Sigh...
All cancelled.
This past Sunday was the first Sunday our ward has met together since mid-March after having spent seven months having our own worship services at home. Prior to the announcement of this date, Allie and I had already committed to sing at another church for their live (with limited attendance) and livestreamed service. So Kevin took the other three kids by himself. I guess I'll find out how I feel about it this coming Sunday. With the required masks, lack of singing or socializing, and regimented social distancing in the chapel, it's not the kind of "new normal" I look forward to accepting willingly. I had become all too comfortable with the our little home church, and the time we spent singing together, teaching each other, sharing testimonies, and partaking of the Sacrament (even through some occasional bad attitudes and lack of cooperation). Those memories will always be sacred to me.
I'll admit, I don't like it when people tell me what I can and cannot do. I want to do the right thing for the right reason, not because someone else tells me to do it... even if it is for the right reason. I'll be the judge of that, thank you very much!
But I'm also compliant, mostly. I'm very choosy when it comes to boat-rocking, and I haven't felt compelled to stand up in the boat. Yet.
However.
I am looking forward to seeing faces I've missed for seven months. Many will still not be there, but I do miss my church family. And, truly, as Jesus taught we are meant to "meet together oft" in fasting and prayer. We are meant to strengthen each other, and that's tough to do when separated, even with Zoom.
And maybe someday soon I'll even be able to hug them.
And I have to believe that we will be able to sing again. I have to. And even if we can't at church, or school or anywhere else, we can still sing at home.
And, sure, we missed out on some really amazing experiences this year, but what we gained in time together has been priceless. Oddly, I think the kids are arguing less now than they were pre-pandemic.
And in spite of the new challenges with school, they are all doing fine.
And while I can't see smiles, I have become more aware of eyes, and of their crucial communicative role in relaying thought and expression beyond our words. Perhaps many of us had become really good at smiling through pain and heartache and grief that only our eyes revealed had anyone noticed.
And shopping at Publix may not be as much of "a pleasure" as it was before, but it is still an amazing place. There is an abundance of food there! And not just any food, but food that is clean and safe to eat! Guys, we live in a spectacular country.
Perhaps, as I contemplate this idea of a "new normal," I need to focus more on what we are still able to do, still able to achieve and accomplish, rather than how.
In fact, just over a week ago, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints held its 190th semiannual General Conference. President Russell M. Nelson spoke directly to this concept of a "new normal." In a follow-up social media post he said, "Today we often hear about 'a new normal.' If you really want to embrace 'a new normal,' I invite you to turn your heart, mind, and soul increasingly to our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. Let that be your 'new normal.'"
Amen.
This is the time to pause and get our bearings. Make needed corrections as we turn our hearts toward God. Focus on what we can do, rather than dwelling on the how.
And just carry on.
